The Internet is Great
tiger woods
...now browsing by category
Top 10 STD’s Tiger Gave Elin
Friday, March 19th, 2010According to the girls that were on the Howard Stern Tiger Woods Beauty Contest, Tiger likes to go raw dog. So if he went raw dog with those 3, I can only guess that he went raw with all 20-something mistresses. Meaning, Tiger got him some STD’s. So here are the top 10 STD’s he gave Elin.
10. Scarlet Fever
9. The Runs
8. Anthrax
7. Im Not Divorcing Tiger Woods Syndrome
6. African Sleeping Sickness
5. Scurvy
4. Foot Fungus
3. Jerpies (Derek Jeter Herpes)
2. Botulism
1. Mad Cow Disease
And the crazy thing about it is that I’d hit it raw too.
turd ferguson, tiger woods, std, elin nordegren, funny, humor, sports, golf
Tiger Woods Sext Messages To Joslyn James
Thursday, March 18th, 2010Yo, Tigah is a crazy mofo. This cat texted some awesome messages to Joslyn James (the porn star mistress), which of course she kept because hey, it was Tiger fucking Woods who was sending them to her. The brotha got away with shit I’ve been dying to text to my wife, peep it:
- Have you ever had a golden shower done to you?
- Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat!
- Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust.
- I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp?
- After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard
- I would love to have the ability to make you sore
- Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own
- Let me break each of those messages down for you:
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you?
– Im not one to pee on a bitch because where are you gonna lay down afterward? Unless you pee on her in the bathroom? But he clearly stole that peeing shit from R. Kelly.
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat!
– Tiger sure knows how to treat a bitch.
Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust.
– Mistake. You pick the girl Tiger! And pick Jessica Rabbit!
I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp?
– That shit is gay son. DP means double penetration. It also means another guy has his cock about 2 inches away from yours.
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard
– As she should.
I would love to have the ability to make you sore
– “I would love to have the ability to make you sore.” That sounds like something a nerd-virgin would say.
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own
– Well this sounds like fun. And since Tiger owns that ass, he should make her say, “Yessa massah!”
Joslyn James
turd ferguson, tiger woods, text message, sexting, joslyn james, picture, sports, golf
The Tiger Woods Time Line
Monday, February 22nd, 2010Below is the actual Tiger Woods time line breaking down what happened prior to Thanksgiving and after.
5/14/2009 Tiger meets mistress #1 and bangs the hell out of her 27 seconds after meeting her in front of John Daily. Rumor has it John Daily was cheering him on.
8/30/2009 Jose Canseco introduced Tiger to Barry Bonds who introduced him to Roger Clemens who introduced him to Mark McGuire who injected Tiger in the ass with steroids.
9/22/2009 Tiger mounts mistress #4 in the parking lot of a church. He screamed “Hallelujah!” as his creams the back seat of his Escalade.
9/23/2009 Tiger realized he contracted the Derek Jeter herpes from mistress #4. Rumored to have said “Bummer”.
10/6/2009 Tiger buys Halloween costume.
10/31/2009 Tiger goes trick-or-treating as “Nitro” from American Gladiators at a local bodega.
11/20/2009 Tiger taps mistress #8 and gets her prego. Fearing the baby would have his giant teeth, he took her to the get the morning after pill.
11/26/2009 (morning) Tiger realizes his pimp hand aint strong and allows his wife to look at the call log on the only cell phone he owns. (bitch move)
11/26/2009 (afternoon) Tiger panics and calls mistress #11 using his real name. (another bitch move)
11/26/2009 (evening) Tigers wife finds out he was cheating on her. She promptly busts his grill with a diamond encrusted, perfectly balanced, titanium driver. Neighbors heard his wife yell “FORE!” right before the infamous car accident.
11/28/2009 Tiger finally wakes up from his coma.
12/28/2009 Tiger goes into sex rehab. (yet another bitch move)
12/29/2009 Tiger bangs 2 of the nurses at the sex rehab and makes up for his previous bitch moves.
We dont hear from Tiger for a very long time…
2/12/2010 (afternoon) Tiger makes a public statement. Makes another bitch move by not saying that he likes to fuck just as much as everyone in that room.
2/12/2010 (late afternoon) Tiger sees this chick standing outside the press conference and Tiger smashes it. (makes up for earlier bitch move)
turd ferguson, sports, tiger woods, time line, funny, humor, golf, mistress
