On Saturday Old Navy had their $1 flip flop sale and the stores were selling out like crazy. Well Im here to tell you that not everyone who went and bought those $1 flip flops should be wearing them. And the two main reasons are:

1) No man, especially straight men should not be wearing flip flops. unless you are inside your house or apartment and no other man is around because:
A. Its pretty gay for another man to one look at your feet and ask you what you’re wearing and you reply with “they’re my $1 Old Navy thong flip flops”. I dont care what brand they are, they’re “thong” flip flops.
B. You live with a dirty room-mate and your floor is filthy. At that point just learn how to use a broom and mop.
C. No one wants to see your fungus infested feet (that picture turned my stomach) getting their much needed exposure to air.
D. I never thought I’d say this but if you really need to, go get a pedicure. No forget I said that, just go see a foot doctor. Thats more accepted in the man club. You dont want to run into one of your boys dropping his girlfriend off at Kim’s Nail Salon and see you getting an apricot scrub on your hammer-time toes.
E. Dont wear tube socks with your flip flops. For some odd reason the only person who can get away with that is Snoop Dogg.

2) Not all woman can get-away with wearing flip flops. Luckily for me, my wife has pretty feet and takes care of them so I dont have to go through the embarrassment of someone looking at her feet and vomiting on the spot. Some woman need to go to Walgreens or CVS and pick up that Ped Egg Pro and get to work.
A. The Ped Egg Pro is only $10 and easy to use. Get rid of all that husk on the back of your foot and make it smoother than a baby’s bottom.
B. If you have onions, bunions and corns, cover them up. Get a cast put on if you have to. No one and I mean no one wants to look at a chick with a bunion on her feet. Worst case scenario take a hacksaw to that funky looking bone on the side of your big toe and cut it off. Everyone will understand why you did it.
C. Unlike me, some men like to suck toes. I find it gross, but some men do it.
D. If you’re fat, you should be the last person who should be wearing flip flops. When wearing them you should be able to see some of the sole. Fat people tent to buy shoes that are 2 and a half sizes to small. It’ll look like you’re walking barefooted, not cute. And fat people usually either have feet like Fred Flintstone (AKA Flintstone Feet) or toes that look like bratwursts.

Jessica Alba has nothing to do with this post, she just looks really hot in this picture.

turd ferguson, old navy, flip flops, sandals, jessica alba, funny, humor, comedy, lol