I’ve got several people in my family who I consider to be assholes, but my brother in-law eats the cake. No, not “takes the cake” he eats it because he’s a fat fuck. Let me give you a quick break down:

- My brother in-law is a police officer here in Chicago.
- Its also Puerto Rican week here too.
- The grand marshal to the Puerto Rican Day Parade is Miguel Cotto.
- Im a big Miguel Cotto fan.
- My brother in-law knows this.

So, I dont know who my brother in-law gave a reach around to, but he somehow ended up doing security for Cotto all weekend long. Im talking from Thursday to Sunday. On Thursday night, he made Cotto call my sister to say hi. Cool right? I think so. Friday night rolls around and Cotto wants to go out with my bro in-law. He takes him to some night club. Cool right? I think so. My bro in-law makes a call to my friend Reggie Bush. Cool right? No its fucking not! Even my wife was like, “He called Reggie? Why? He doesnt really know him.”

Bro in-law: Yo Reg, Im hanging out with Miguel Cotto in the VIP of this club. Come through.
Reggie: I dont like Cotto.
Bro in-law: So what. You’re like my bestest of friends.
Reggie: But we’ve only met like 3 times and all of the times it was at Turd’s house for the Cotto fight.
Bro in-law: Yeah but I want Cotto to think Im so cool that I hang out with Black people.
Reggie: How you get my number?
Bro in-law: C’mon man! Pleeeeeese!
Reggie: Alright b, I’ll show up.

Did you get that? Why the fuck didnt he call me to go hang with him and Cotto? If he wanted to hang with Reggie all he had to do was say, “hey, come through and invite Reggie.” But no. He calls Reggie. Did he not know that Reggie is Black and doesnt speak Spanish. Cotto doesnt speak a lick of fucking English. Reggie is NO fan of Cotto. Oh, neither is my bro in-law. He only knows who he is because I invite him over to watch when Cotto is fighting. In fact, that fat fuck doesnt watch boxing unless its in my house. Ask him whats Floyd Mayweather’s nickname. He’ll tell you “Money Maker”.

The only think I can think of is that he doesnt want me running back to rat him out to my sister because I saw him trying to get Cotto to stick his finger in his fat ass.

Reggie did tell me that Cotto is a cool dude. He even spoke to Emanuel Steward who is Cotto’s trainer and told Reggie that Manny Pacquiao will lose to Mayweather because:

Manny aint been in the ring wit a slick ass nigga.

If you’re wondering, yes Im upset. In fact Im pissed off. Not that he is stealing my friends, Im pissed off that he didnt think of his family first. But Im going to see him tomorrow for Fathers Day. And that lazy fucker better not ask me to hand him another cheeseburger because Ima tell him to go call Reggie to bring it to him!

turd ferguson, puerto rico, parade, miguel cotto, floyd mayweather, asshole, reggie bush