10.  Jessica Alba: In my humble opinion she is the MILFiest MILF in Hollywood. Other than getting knocked up a few years back, the girl can do no wrong.

9.  Cocaine: Look I love me some coke more than Charlie Sheen does. And he loves cocaine so much that he had a briefcase of the shit delivered to his house!

8.  Red Bulls: This goes hand and hand with #9. Red Bulls help me start my day otherwise theres no way I’d be able to bring you all of this good shit.

7.  Big Titties: I know exactly what you’re saying, “Turd, why arent big titties closer to #1 on this list?” Well, the truth is Im more of an ass-man that a titty-man. But only by a little.

6.  Tacos: Mainly Carne Asada with Mexican cheese, a little sour cream and fresh avocado slices. Theres nothing like perfect tacos.

5.  Bacardi and Coke: Rum and Coke is the second manliest alcoholic beverage next to beer. But if you’re gonna do rum and Coke it has to be with Bacardi.

4. Sports: Im rating sports at #4 because I grew up playing and watching sports. In fact, you can ask anyone who knew me growing up, in high school or college, I should be playing professional baseball.  Where did I go wrong?

3.  Somaya Reece: Have you seen the body on this girl? Its enough to make Niel Patrick Harris approve.

2.  A Phat Ass: Yes, I love a phatty.  Phatties all day!  On Puerto Rican girls, Black girls, Asian girls and especially on White girls.  Theres just something special about a Whooty.

1.  Pussy: I LOOOOOVE PUSSY!  Its Gods gift to man and in some cases women.  It proves that God is a man too otherwise we’d all love dick.  Hell, Im so pro-pussy that dont even like looking at my own dick! And my joint is perfect!

ESPECIALLY THIS PUSSY!

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