Stupid Bitch of the Week: Heidi Montag

Written by Turd Ferguson on May 28th, 2010

You stupid bitch! Who the hell told you that by video taping yourself for 28 seconds shooting pieces of paper that Michael Bay was going to say:

Oh hellz yeah I want Heidi mother fucking Montag to replace Megan ‘The Second Hottest Woman in the World’ Fox in my next Transformers movie!

??? The only tape we’d be interested in seeing you is a sex tape. And not with Spencer Pratt either. Preferably with Laura Dore.

Has Heidi ever seen any of the Transformers movies? Megan Fox never carried a gun? All she ever did was:
1 – Stand around looking sex as fuck!
2 – Hide her thumbs
3 – Scream “RUUUUN!!! RUUUUN BUMBLE BEE!!!” and “Oh please dont die!!!” and say “Is that a transformer in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”

Ok so now that I see what lines Megan Fox had in those movies, maybe Heidi can replace her. But there is one major factor that Heidi doesnt bring to the table that Megan Fox did. And that factor is the “Fap Factor“. Megan Fox made want to beat off to TRANSFORMERS! Maybe Im sick in the head I dont know, but I know I wasnt the only one who had to take a cold shower after watching Megan Fox run around in those movies. Heidi could never make me wanna fap off. Never. If anything, she makes me wanna kick a kitten.

That video would have been better if she shot her husband to prove how much she wants this part.

I hope you’re still reading this because this the best part of the video… The Stupid Bitch of the Week Heidi Montag submitted the video to a FAKE MICHAEL BAY TWITTER ACCOUNT. The fake Michael Bay tweeted back to Heidi, saying

Thanks sweetheart, but how are you with Turtle wax on Ferrari paint?

Good luck to you. I hope that works out for you. I’ll watch this hottie replace Megan Fox instead since Michael Bay didnt read my previous Megan Fox post.