Below is the actual Tiger Woods time line breaking down what happened prior to Thanksgiving and after.
5/14/2009 Tiger meets mistress #1 and bangs the hell out of her 27 seconds after meeting her in front of John Daily. Rumor has it John Daily was cheering him on.
8/30/2009 Jose Canseco introduced Tiger to Barry Bonds who introduced him to Roger Clemens who introduced him to Mark McGuire who injected Tiger in the ass with steroids.
9/22/2009 Tiger mounts mistress #4 in the parking lot of a church. He screamed “Hallelujah!” as his creams the back seat of his Escalade.
9/23/2009 Tiger realized he contracted the Derek Jeter herpes from mistress #4. Rumored to have said “Bummer”.
10/6/2009 Tiger buys Halloween costume.
10/31/2009 Tiger goes trick-or-treating as “Nitro” from American Gladiators at a local bodega.
11/20/2009 Tiger taps mistress #8 and gets her prego. Fearing the baby would have his giant teeth, he took her to the get the morning after pill.
11/26/2009 (morning) Tiger realizes his pimp hand aint strong and allows his wife to look at the call log on the only cell phone he owns. (bitch move)
11/26/2009 (afternoon) Tiger panics and calls mistress #11 using his real name. (another bitch move)
11/26/2009 (evening) Tigers wife finds out he was cheating on her. She promptly busts his grill with a diamond encrusted, perfectly balanced, titanium driver. Neighbors heard his wife yell “FORE!” right before the infamous car accident.
11/28/2009 Tiger finally wakes up from his coma.
12/28/2009 Tiger goes into sex rehab. (yet another bitch move)
12/29/2009 Tiger bangs 2 of the nurses at the sex rehab and makes up for his previous bitch moves.
We dont hear from Tiger for a very long time…
2/12/2010 (afternoon) Tiger makes a public statement. Makes another bitch move by not saying that he likes to fuck just as much as everyone in that room.
2/12/2010 (late afternoon) Tiger sees this chick standing outside the press conference and Tiger smashes it. (makes up for earlier bitch move)
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