This is almost a heartbreaker. My two most favorite people in the entire world have Herpes, Derek Jeter and Jessica “The Baddest Bitch on the Planet” Alba.

Now I say “almost a heartbreaker” because I frankly dont give a shit. Why? Because as long as the all mighty Derek Jeter continues to bring the World Series to the Bronx, I dont care if he has the herps. And as long as Jessica Alba continues to be as sexy as she is, I dont care, I’ll still smash that snatch… if she gave me the time-a-day. I’d tell her, “Are the herps on your cooch or mouth? Dont answer that. Let me find out by putting my kielbasa in both holes.” Jessica could have the Ebola virus and I’d still hit it. I dont care if she has crabs, I’d still hit it. I dont even care if she’s showing signs of having HIV, I’d still hit it! And do you know why? Cause she’s the baddest bitch on the planet! I’ll go around telling everyone, “Aye, I got Jessica Alba herpes. Wanna see?”

Now that I think about it, no horny Hollywood celeb is going to want to touch her. Now she’s going to have to go after the average Joe type, like me! Oh happy day!

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